


Closure

by Caladhwen



Category: Victoria (TV)
Genre: Angst, Closure, Dreams, F/M, Marriage, No Beta, Pining, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-17 12:55:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29966712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caladhwen/pseuds/Caladhwen
Summary: “It was Lord M, wasn’t it,” he muttered, and there was a hint of resignation in his voice.“Yes.”“In your dream, were you… intimate?”“Yes,” she said hesitantly, feeling a blush on her cheeks. Now it was her turn to avert her husband’s gaze.Albert finds out about Victoria's sensual dreams with her ex Prime Minister. But instead of anger, he turns to science. What if she just needs closure?
Relationships: Albert of Saxe-Coburg and Gotha/Victoria of the United Kingdom (1819-1901), William Lamb 2nd Viscount Melbourne & Victoria of the United Kingdom (1819-1901), William Lamb 2nd Viscount Melbourne/Victoria of the United Kingdom (1819-1901)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 12





	Closure

_**Closure** _

The sky was getting dark and the sun was setting under the horizon. Lying on the bed, Victoria gazed at her husband’s blue eyes. He smiled contentedly, his hand delicately tracing the curve of her thigh.

Marriage was good, Victoria had decided the day after her wedding. The comfort of having the man who was her best friend, confident and lover, always at her side was priceless. The loneliness of Kensington was far behind her. Now she knew she was fully supported; she had a shoulder to cry upon and a man to share a laughter. They were Victoria and Albert, two faces of the same coin, and she could not fathom a life without him.

But Victoria had to admit to herself that one of the perks of marriage was one that was not very often discussed in her youth. Uncle Leopold had told her about the power of a male presence at her side, her mother had raved about Albert’s perfect gentleman manners, but no one had breathed a word about what happiness could be found in the marriage bed.

She had been delighted to find that Albert was a very thorough lover. Oh, the pleasures he brought her under the starry skies! They had learnt together how to please each other, with hesitancy at first as they both had been novice, then with abandon as they discovered more positions where a man and a woman could reach completion together.

Albert was now gently snoring. Victoria turned and shut her eyes, taking great care of not disturbing her sleeping husband. She never knew she needed a man before having one in her bed. How lucky she was to have found such a fine man just for herself! He did have his drawbacks, sometimes he was a little too commanding, and she hated the way he tended to patronize her in the intimacy of her bedchambers but then she did have her furies too. No one was perfect and she was glad to have him by her side for ever and ever. He was her first, and should they live a long and happy life, he would be her last too.

He was the only person to have shared her bed.

_She would never know another man’s touch._

The sudden sentence jerked her out of her half sleeping state. What a preposterous thought! Of course, she would never; she had sworn loyalty before the altar. She was not like her Uncle Leopold, _having_ actresses: she had everything she wanted only inches from her. Her brain must be playing a funny trick, she decided.

And yet… she could not help but wonder. What life would be like, had she never crossed Albert’s path? Would she had found comfort in another man’s arms? What were other men like? How different were they from her own husband? She was so very curious to see what life could offer, but this was a forbidden thought. She turned resolutely towards her husband, shut her eyes, and slowly fell asleep.

_A hand on her waist. The ghost of a kiss on her bare neck. A fleeting peck on her breasts. Victoria sighed, her back arching with pleasure._

_She felt strong hands on both of her thighs, and she fell backward on the rumpled sheets. The kisses on her mouth were most insistent and she opened her legs, moaning when she felt the heavy weight of the man on top of her naked body._

_“Ma’am, if you are still sure…”_

_“I am,” she breathed, her voice barely more than a whisper. “I have never been so sure of anything in my entire life.”_

_She watched with fascination as the man positioned himself between her legs, then thrusted his hips forward. She took his length with abandon, her own hips rising to meet his in a sensual rhythm. She felt at the centre of the universe, cherished and loved, safe in her lover’s embrace, bursting with hot passion, desire coiling inside her. She fervently returned the kisses, gazing at his hazel eyes. Her hands clung to his back as she tried to show all the love she felt for him._

_“Victoria…” he groaned._

_“Yes, my love?” she murmured, entranced._

_“Victoria…” The sound of his voice felt more eerie this time._

_The hands caressing her body seemed to disappear, as the weight pressed on her slowly diminished. Suddenly there was something missing inside of her. The darkness of the room receded, and a cold morning light appeared at the windows._

“…Victoria?”

The young queen opened her eyes, feeling slightly disoriented. She was lying on her bed at Buckingham Palace and Albert was looking at her with a concerned face. “Are you alright?”

“Yes, I think I am,” she answered slowly. “What happened?”

“You were tossing and turning in your sleep,” Albert said in a worried tone. “I thought you were having a nightmare, so I woke you up.”

Victoria let out a little laugh. The dream she just had was no nightmare! It felt so real! In fact, she could still feel a damp heat between her legs. “No, it was not a nightmare.”

“Then what did you dream of that made you so agitated in the morning?” Albert asked curiously.

Victoria blushed. “Well,” she lied, “you know how dreams are. They feel like reality but disappear from memory upon waking. I had some flashes just a few moments ago but I fear I have no recollection of it now.”

Albert looked unsatisfied with her response but nodded. “I will see you at breakfast.” He hopped out of the bed _,_ fetched his robe and strode out of the room, closing the bedchamber door behind him.

Victoria sighed and rested her head against the fluffy pillows. She still had some time before Skerrett came and dressed her for the day. The birds were chirping outside but the skies remained overcast.

The dream was still vivid in her mind. She could still feel the lingering touches on her skin and smell the remnant of the cologne.

It had aroused her greatly, though she had tried not show it in front of her dear Albert. For her dream lover had not been her husband, but her former Prime Minister, Lord M.

She had harboured a teenager infatuation for the man who had led her through the early days of her reign. He was the first man to treat her as an equal and not as a simple child, who taught her the arcane of power and the frivolities of the court. They used to see each other a lot, from the dispatch boxes in the mornings to the frequent dinners he attended at the Palace. Victoria greatly missed the quiet counsel he always gave her. Sir Robert Peel, as pleasant as he was, did not have an easy banter and they always went quickly through her boxes.

Nowadays Lord Melbourne was a recluse in his country home, venturing to London only to dine with former friends at Whig clubs. It had been years since he had last been to Buckingham Palace. They still maintained a correspondence, although it had dwindled with time and the birth of her child. They talked of frivolous things: “ _The London weather is so bleak today.” “The orchids are faring great.” “It is raining a lot.”_ It was nowhere near the enlightened conversations they used to have for hours. She loved his quick wit, his emotional sensibility, and his dry humour. In hindsight, she could say that she loved more than that. He did cut a fine figure amongst her ministers. Always dressed in the best fashion, he was also blessed with very handsome features.

Victoria was brought out of her reveries by a knock at the door. It was Skerrett, her dresser.

Breakfast passed quickly. Little Vickie was brought to her in her cradle, making little noises with her tiny mouth. Victoria cleared her throat.

“Albert, we must go riding in the park, after breakfast. Sir Robert Peel has informed me that he would be delayed for the boxes.”

Albert lifted his gaze from the newspaper he was reading. “But the weather is grey, my love. Cannot you wait another day?”

“You always say that,” Victoria said. “We have not been on a ride together for weeks.”

“There was not enough time.”

“Well, there is now.” Victoria paused, not sure if she dared to pronounce the next sentence. But it seemed that her mouth had a mind of its own and she heard herself say with a low voice: “I used to go riding almost every day with Lord M.”

Albert looked shocked. He seemed to contemplate his answer for a few moments, before settling on a very quiet “Very well, if you want to.”

Victoria pursed her lips. What had passed through her mind to say such a thing? She had seen Albert’s jealousy when she mentioned Lord M. Why talk about him now, when their marriage was strong and happy?

After breakfast, Victoria changed into a riding gown and climbed down the stairs to the stables. Her horse, a beautiful mare, was already waiting for her, saddled and ready. Albert arrived a few moments later.

“I must confess I do not understand why you need to go riding all the time,” he said as he mounted the horse. “You do not hunt, you do not need to be anywhere soon. Why not simply and walk and let yourself enjoy the nature?”

“I would say I like the thrill of it! The thrill of the gallop, do you feel it too?”

“I suppose so,” Albert replied, though his expression suggested otherwise.

“But you like it when you ride your trains at a high speed.”

“Yes, but it is not the same!”

“How so?”

“It is faster!”

“So you are not looking at the nature either!”

“I am…”

The conversation was going nowhere. Victoria broke her mount into a light canter. The splendid horse was responding perfectly to her rein aid. Albert’s seat was good, if somehow a little rigid, but he remained content trotting casually even if he had to rein in his mount who looked like it wanted to bolt forward.

In his time, Lord M would have followed her. Of course, he would have remained slightly behind her, as was expected of him as a subject of the Queen. But still, he would have been by her side, telling her to stop when she was too fast for riding side-saddle, and she would have followed his advice. Now, Albert was shouting at her but it did not matter; it had been too long since she had last felt the wind in her face.

It felt good, but her muscles were straining from the prolonged effort. Obviously, she had lost some muscle during her pregnancy and the following weeks during which she was almost ordered to stay in bed. Horse-riding did keep the riders in shape!

Indeed, she remember gazing admiringly at Lord M whenever he was in his riding attire. The trousers always fitted him better than the breeches. He must have good thighs after all the rising trotting they did together! She used to wonder about what was beneath them, but now she blushed when she realized what meaning her sentence could have! She was still innocent as a young maiden, but now that she thought about it, she did indeed wonder!

She could not bring herself to be ashamed of her thoughts, but still decided that it would be best to think about it later, when she had more time for herself.

She slowed down her horse and waited for Albert to catch up. The two of them finished their ride in silence.

Later that day, she was waiting in her study when Sir Robert Peel came with the dispatch box.

“Sir! I was wondering if you got lost!”

“Ma’am.” He bowed before catching his breath. “I apologize for the delay! I met an old acquaintance this morning.”

“Who was it? Was it someone I know?” asked Victoria curiously. She motioned Peel to the chair and sat down in front of her wooden desk.

“You do, Ma’am. It was Lord Melbourne!”

Victoria started in her seat. Lord Melbourne! How curious that he would be here in London precisely when she was dreaming of him!

“What is he doing here?”

“He had dinner with his sister. He is leaving London today. Now, shall we get on to work, Ma’am?”

Peel and Victoria went quickly through the boxes, but she was still distracted by the strange coincidence. She could not quite concentrate on the letters, and more than once Peel had to remind her to sign at the bottom of the pages.

No further mention of Lord M came during the day.

That night, she lay in bed reading Shakespeare, when Albert arrived in the room. He looked at her for a moment but remained silent. He snuggled under the covers, facing the windows, looking thoughtful. Victoria observed his immobile form. It was uncommon of him to be that closed off. Usually, he would tell her of his day, the speeches he wrote and the charities he sponsored. But this time, he did not talk. Why was he acting so strangely? She turned back to her book until the candles began to flicker a half-hour later.

Albert had barely moved yet. He was now looking at the ceiling, a pained expression on his face. Victoria raised an eyebrow. “Are you ignoring me?”

Albert avoided her eyes. “Merely thinking, that’s all.”

“You look troubled.” She propped herself up on one elbow, gently putting down the book on the table by the bed. “What is it?”

Albert took his time before answering. “It is you… and your Lord Melbourne.”

Victoria felt a strange heat coming through her. “What of him?”

“Tell me, Victoria, do you still not remember this morning’s dream?”

“No,” Victoria answered a little too quickly. Of course she could remember it, but felt it best not to mention it to her husband.

Albert let out a deep breath then turned towards her. His blue eyes looked sad in the fleeting candlelight. “Please, tell me the truth.”

Something in his expression told her that he knew already the answer. There was no point in lying, after all. “I do…” she murmured.

“It was Lord M, wasn’t it,” he muttered, and there was a hint of resignation in his voice.

“Yes.”

“In your dream, were you… intimate?”

“Yes,” she said hesitantly, feeling a blush creeping on her cheeks. Now it was her turn to avert her husband’s gaze.

“Victoria, I believe you had similar dreams for several weeks now. You move in your sleep and cry out his name. Ever since the birth of Vickie. I usually let you sleep and you do not seem to remember it in the morning, but today I thought you had to know.”

Victoria stared, aghast. It all made sense, now. Albert’s concerned faces in the morning. She often woke up feeling wet between her legs, and it was always accompanied with a feeling of completion even if she did not have physical activities with Albert so soon after giving birth. There was also Albert’s uneasy expression whenever Melbourne was mentioned in the conversation. She suddenly felt very ashamed to know that he had witnessed her finding pleasure in her sleep with the dreams of another man. Marriage was sacred and her own mind was destroying it.

“Will you forgive me?” she said in a very small voice, her eyes pleading. “It was not at all my intention to cause you any hurt, you must know it…”

Even when she knew that such thoughts had no business taking place in the marital bed, she could not feel regret for dreaming of Lord M in such a way. She had longed for it. It had been in her mind even as a very young Queen, as a blurry idea, an ache in a place that she had never touched and an uncertain want for something more than an embrace.

But now, she was more mature, experienced in the ways of men. She knew what desire meant and how to quench it, and she also knew how men experienced their want and how to relieve them.

She expected Albert’s frown, feared his patronizing reply, but instead of anger, his face wore a thoughtful expression.

“Lately I have been reading,” Albert began slowly, “treaties of Psychology. It is a new science, you see, and all science intrigue me. I found myself deeply absorbed by an abstract concept they call a _need for closure_.”

Victoria stood still, curious. “I do not know of it. Please continue.”

“It says that one man – or one woman – when having an unresolved situation from the past, may need some act of closure to move on. Otherwise the situation remains deep in the brain and manifest its importance through dreams in the night time or unwanted thoughts in the daytime.”

Albert suddenly grew very serious.

“I believe that you have that need for closure. I believe that you were in love with Lord Melbourne, but you never properly said goodbye to him. I believe that it haunts you still, and you cannot properly move on with him before you bid him farewell.”

Victoria was shocked. “But I have chosen you! It is you I married.”

He sounded a little more desperate. “Your mind may have chosen me, but he still holds a piece of your heart, whether you want it or not.”

Albert was right, and Victoria, deep inside her, knew it. Their parting had been brief. He had resigned as Prime Minister, then he had come one last time to the Palace to salute her and she had almost never seen him again. But she had never forgotten him. She had told him so on her wedding day. Her heart still remembered how it used to drum loudly when he kissed her hand. She could not deny that he still held a power over her.

“And how do you suggest I do that? How can I move on?”

“I think”, Albert replied very hesitantly, “that your dreams may hold the answer as to what must be done.”

Maybe she needed that closure, she thought. She was not completely Albert’s, and she never would, not until she knew what she missed in Lord M’s arms. She had wondered during the day what it would feel like, to hold him like she held her husband. To experience pleasure, to let her body surrender to his touch. That curiosity felt very insistent and she could understand how she could be free of these thoughts when her fantasies turned to reality. That was what closure was, an answer to her question.

“I see. I believe it will help me too. How will you bear it?”

“I do not do it for your sake alone, Victoria. I must have you whole, or not at all. I cannot have you hold on to the past.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hiya, my very first Victoria fanfiction.  
> This is a: "how to make Lord M/Victoria without her cheating on her husband?"  
> Second chapter is on its way!
> 
> The Need for Closure is a term coined in the 20th century. This story is therefore historically inaccurate in terms of psychology.


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